If your religious practice was revealed “by the Gods” after an unfortunate (or fortunate) blow to the head…
If you decided to use a list of transformational sayings from Hay House as the new Delphic Maxims…
If you believe Kevin Sorbo really is Hercules/Herakles…
If you think contemplation requires more fiber in your diet…
If you believe Hellenic humanism is a life stance that rejects reason and ethics…
If you think Plato is an animated cartoon character made famous in a series of Disney short cartoons…
If you think reading Tarot cards while smoking reefer or high on some other psychoactive drug makes you a Mantis…
If you think the Maxims are “just suggestions” and not protocols for correct social behavior…
If you identify as Hellenic Kin…
If you think your schizophrenia is really a higher state of consciousness and places you in communion with the Gods…
If you describe the writing of Plato and Aristotle as Christian Fundamentalism…
If you believe you are an authentic priest or priestess because you have been ordained by the ULC Church…
If you think your delusions (fixed beliefs based on false or incomplete information, stupidity, or illusion) become reality if you call them Gnosis…
If you think “The Republic” is who the Jedi served prior to Anakin becoming Darth Vader…
If you are convinced that Ancient Greece was a leftwing-environmentalist-feminist-homosexual-pacifist-socialist utopia…
If you think virtues such as temperance, prudence, fortitude, and justice sound too Christian…
If you keep insisting orthopraxy is only ritual style…
If you believe being of a Greek bloodline means you have genetically passed knowledge about the “true” Hellenic religion that not even other Greeks have, especially if those Greeks are academic scholars of the Hellenic religion…
If you proclaim that everything needed to practice the Hellenic religion is in the Iliad…
If you perceive or describe the Gods as little more than comic book superheros…
If you have a buddy relationship with a God who chose you to be his/her bestest friend ever…
If you think quitting smoking or losing weight is a sacrifice…
If you proclaimed yourself a Hellenic Polytheist after you saw the “Who Mourns for Adonais?” episode of Star Trek…
If you describe your understanding of Hellenism as earth-centered…
If you identify Pythagoras as a sorcerer or magician…
If you don’t realize Arakhne (Spider) was a human punished by Athena for impiety…
If you think an emanation is a bowel movement…
If you’re Unitarian Universalist minister told you that you are as much a Hellenic Polytheist as those big mean Reconstructionists…
…you might just be a Fluffy Bunny Hellenic Polytheist!!
Aaron Field
on Dec 22nd, 2009
@ 5:08 pm:
Are you being humorous, or are you trying to insult people. While I don’t fall into any of the categories in this article, instead of insulting potential newcomers to your religion, you maybe should try to get people like these to “see it your way” instead of simply insulting them. I thougth Hellenic Polytheism was interesting, but why would I want to associate with people like you.
Timothy Alexander
on Dec 23rd, 2009
@ 3:46 pm:
That is the joke. A Fluffy Bunny is willfully ignorant. They are misinformed, but comfortable with not questioning the false or incomplete information, stupidity, or illusions they have been given, and refuse to study further. They are not open-minded enough for discussion or debate, but have convinced themselves they are the more open-minded. It is extremely funny.
Lisa
on Feb 17th, 2010
@ 1:21 am:
Sigh, Some people just have no sense of humor, Tim. LOL
We could probably add that you’re a fluffy bunny Hellenic Polytheist is you believe that the *true* Hellenic Religion is oathbound and an orthodoxy.
Améthysta Eleuthera Kunoloverna
on Mar 5th, 2010
@ 5:32 am:
Hello, I am from Brazil, and I translated this and plan to translate others articles, I will put the link to theoriginal of course.
Thank you.
Timothy Alexander
on Mar 5th, 2010
@ 11:22 am:
Thank you!!
Sean
on Dec 23rd, 2010
@ 7:58 pm:
I know this is an old post, but the schizophrenia comment was in horrible taste. Making fun of mental illness to prove how anti-fluffy you are is just tacky.
Crystal
on Jun 1st, 2011
@ 5:29 pm:
Wow. “Who Mourns for Adonais”? Someone’s an old school Trekkie. Love the reference.
tetsuki
on Aug 28th, 2011
@ 10:46 am:
Some of these were cute, but most of them were, well not humorous. They come across conceited, and more Hellenic than thou. For example:
“If you are convinced that Ancient Greece was a leftwing-environmentalist-feminist-homosexual-pacifist-socialist utopia”
Of course anyone in their right mind wouldn’t think this, but the Greeks did care for the earth, they were definitely less patriarchal than most societies, homosexuality wasn’t exactly taboo (well, not completely). The only things on the list they weren’t was a socialist utopia.
“If you think your schizophrenia is really a higher state of consciousness and places you in communion with the Gods”
This was completely uncalled for. Not only because you’re putting someone down for something they cannot help, but you are, in one sentence, basically stating that there is no room for personal, subjective communion with the Gods. Who are you to say who’s “higher state of consciousness” is legitimate or not?
I do happen to have a sense of humor, but this article was brimming with bile at people who don’t have your level of “expertise”. I don’t care who you are, yours is not the final word on anyone’s spirituality, Hellene or otherwise.
Athena Weaver
on Oct 17th, 2011
@ 10:25 pm:
Great article and funny.